The 7 best pissed-off Yelp reviews of Billymark’s West

Yelp reviews are by and large meaningless. But among the trash there are treasures. One of the best, last true dives in Manahattan is Barchive-favorite Billymark’s West, so we thought we would dig through the slop to feed your thirsty piggies the best (read: worst) reviews. Check them out below.

1. The smell of success

“It smells a little in Billy Marks. But, the deals on drinks and cheap pool table round out the stinkiness to make for a totally passable dive bar in this area the middle of nowheresville. I work near here and will be back I am sure. Some days just scream for a bottled beer and a shot of Jack.” — Kate F.

2. Just embarrassing

“Whoa. I’ve been in New York for two years, and within 5 minutes of being here, I encountered the rudest bartender I’ve met so far. My two friends and I ordered and he said “wow, you guys are embarrassing, just embarrassing” and then proceeded to give us the wrong beers (out of literally two options. Come on). What a weird 10 minutes of my life. I didn’t know I could chug beer that fast; I guess that’s a plus. Ps–toilet doesn’t flush. So that’s good.” — Holly C.

3. You can’t afford to drink here

“This is probably the worst establishment I have ever set foot in. If you enjoy rude old men and your toilets covered in piss, step right in! The minute my boyfriend leaves for the bathroom, the elderly bouncers gather around me and harass me. Next, I ask the bartender how much drinks go for, and he tells me if I ask I can’t afford it. Nice! Then while I’m deciding on a drink, he tells me to “hurry up you’re not buying the whole place” (I took probably 20 seconds). I go to use the bathroom and I’m stepping in literal human waste. This is the women’s bathroom might I add, filthiest place in NYC, my hand stuck to the bar. Drinks weren’t even good either, not sure how someone can mess up a vodka cranberry. Go to walter’s bar instead, so so much better!” —
Leena A.

4. HERPES

“This is by far the most degenerate piece of garbage bar in all of New York City. I am not sure how it still exists. This is basically where the scum of the earth reside. PLEASE STAY FAR AWAY IF YOU DON’T WANT TO CATCH HERPES OR GET SICK! First off I saw the guy with his bare hands dunk dirty cups into unsanitized water. I also saw him pick up Ice and put it into a cup with his bare hands. All this aside I asked the loser bartender for 6 shots of Jameson and he gave me an attitude. Once I finally got them and handed them out to my friends and we took it and realized this was the farthest thing from Jameson and a cheap well whiskey. He charged me $30 for this crap. I also got one of my other friend a Titos and Diet coke since she doesn’t do shots and my other friend a Hennessy and cranberry. The Titos was rubbing alcohol and the Hennessy tasted like cheap whiskey again!!! I tasted them both. He charged me $12 for each!!!! I know how these liquors taste since they are so distinct. THESE ASSHOLES FILL THEIR MORE EXPENSIVE BOTTLES WITH CHEAP ALCOHOL AND CHARGE REGULAR NYC PRICES! When we confronted the bartender he called us “effin lameos”. You’re a lameo, you degenerate. I’m calling Health & Safety on this joke of an establishment. Shut them down!!!!!!!” — Joel V.

5. Very sketch

“This shit hole is the place you go to if you’re trying to get an std minus the sex. bar tender is older than Jesus & was drunker than a finance bro on a Sat night in montauk. I honestly would suggest a demolition team to wipe this greasy horrendous “bar” off of the west side (obvs in a safe fashion). Summary: bathroom is sketch, billy is sketch, i don’t know if what i consumed was alcohol or nail polish remover, they have a z Health rating. Don’t attend.” — Steve J.

6. Old people hobos!

“Seriously?! 4 stars (at the time of this posting…). It’s filled with old people and hobos. I’m think Chelsea has better dive bars to offer.” — Prithvi R.

7. We actually go for the transvestite hookers

“If you like hanging out with drunken obnoxious transvestite hookers, criminal types, drug dealers and elitist jerk offs who come slumming from the galleries on 26th street this is the place for you. DO NOT leave any money on the bar, it will be stolen.
When the balding short owner is there do not go in unless you want to deal with a racist, misogynist pig with an appetite for verbal and violent behavior and is usually toasted by 8:00 DO GO mid week in the daytime. It is quiet and a nice old school Irish guy is there and he will buy you a shot. Otherwise stand outside for a bit watch a brawl and go to the bar a few doors down the avenue.” — Bob I.